It is a question on the minds of so many high school seniors at this time of year: How can you raise your chances of getting into your No. 1 college choice?
A report released Wednesday by an association of guidance counselors and admissions officers could be worth a look. It provides new evidence for those who believe that applying to college early in the academic year — or, more specifically, submitting applications under binding early-decision programs — increases the likelihood of acceptance.
Nearly three of every four students who applied last year under such programs, which are offered by many of the nation’s most selective colleges, were accepted, compared with just over half who applied to the same colleges in the main application round, according to the annual report, “The State of College Admission,” by the National Association for College Admission Counseling.
All told, the percentage accepted last year in the early-decision round, in which those accepted are compelled to withdraw all other applications and enroll, was 15 points higher than in the main phase. And that gap is rising, the authors said. In fall 2006, 61 percent, on average, were accepted early, compared with 53 percent in the regular pool.
Critics of early-admission programs argue that they represent a way for well-off and connected high school students to game the system. But colleges that offer them counter that the acceptance rates are often so high because the quality of students is particularly strong.
The report suggests that these figures “may rekindle debates about the effects of early-decision admission, particularly as it relates to access for underrepresented populations.”
To that end, the report provided new measurements of how the nation’s poorest high school graduates, as well as those who are black and Hispanic, continue to lag behind their peers in going to college. Only 58 percent of high school graduates from the bottom quarter nationally, as ranked by family income, went to college in 2008, compared with 87 percent from the highest-earning bracket, according to the report.
And while black and Hispanic students represented 33 percent of “the traditional college-aged population” in 2008, the report noted, only 25 percent of the students enrolled in colleges and universities that year were black or Hispanic.
If one figure in the report might give anxious applicants, and their parents, some solace, it is this: nearly one of every three colleges reported a decrease in applications in 2009, compared with the year before. That is the largest proportion of four-year colleges reporting such a drop in nearly 15 years. The authors said the sluggish economy could be a factor. More students may be applying to fewer colleges, as well as to community colleges and other two-year institutions.
Written by Jacques Steinberg for The New York Times
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Mobilizing Bystanders to Stop Bullying: 6 Teachable Skills to Stop a Bully
This past week I attended an educational conference where I had the pleasure of listening to nationally renowned speaker, Dr. Michele Borba. October is Bullying Awareness Month, therefore, I would like to draw attention to this crucial matter facing our nation's children.
Bullying is a learned behavior, and it is on the rise. One third of middle and high school students were bullied during the school year. Previous studies estimated the figure as one in seven students. Bullying appears to be far more intense, more frequent and beginning at younger ages than in years past.
Make no mistake: Bullying is a cruel, intentional act that is usually repeated, and can have serious impact on children. And every bullying episode really has three victims: the bullied (or target), the bully, and the bystander.
* The bullied or target: Repeated bullying can cause severe emotional harm, and can be so serious that some school-age victims have committed suicide.
* The bully: Nearly 60 percent of students identified as chronic bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of twenty-four.
* The bystander: New research suggests that students who witness their peers endure verbal or physical abuse could become as psychologically distressed, if not more so, by the events as the victims themselves.
And the consequences of bullying seem to finally be recognized. States are passing anti-bullying laws; schools are implementing zero-bullying policies; pediatricians are posting warning signs, and parents are increasing worried about their children’s safety. But in all our endeavors to stop peer cruelty, we are largely overlooking the most effective bully-reducing solution: mobilizing student bystanders to speak up. The fact it, students witness 85 percent of bullying episodes and usually during times when adults aren’t around to help.
Last week I reported to Brian Williams on NBC Nightly News that studies show that bystanders can do far more than just watch.Peers can reduce the audience that a bully craves, mobilize the compassion of witnesses to step in, support the victim, and be a positive influence in curbing a bullying episode. In fact, when bystanders intervene correctly, studies find they can cut bullying more than half the time and within 10 seconds. The key is that students must have the right guidance so they know when to step in, be taught how skills that offer the right kind of help, and know when to get aid.
This month I worked with NBC’s Dateline’s correspondent, Kate Snow on a special entitled, “The Perils of Parenting” (which aired Monday, September 13). Producers asked me to teach middle school students–when bullying peaks–specific bystander strategies. I developed the techniques after reviewing hundreds of research articles on the “Bystander Effect” and have trained hundreds of educators in how to use them with students. The moment that one twelve-year old girl stepped in and spoke up to a boy to stop bullying another child was extraordinary. She was calm, compassionate, courageous and glorious. She also used every one of the six bystander skills — and used them better than most adults. There also wasn’t a dry eye on the set–we all wiped away tears. [More about the bystander effect and that episode in a future blog].
Mobilizing the compassion of bystanders with specific bystander skills is largely overlooked in bullying prevention, but it may well be our best hope in creating safe and caring school climates. The best news is that child advocates and parents can teach kids these same bystander skills. Doing so empowers children with tools to stop cruelty, help victims, feel safer and reduce bullying. Here are the skills I shared on Dateline.
Dr. Borba’s Bystander Bully B.U.S.T.E.R. Strategies
Chances are that your child will witness bullying. Here are six strategies to teach so kids know how to intervene safely and when to report. Each strategy must be rehearsed or role-played, until kids can use it alone. I’ve had schools have students role-play these in assemblies, make them into chart-reminders that are posted around the school, and even have students create mini-videos of each strategy to share with peers. There are three steps to teaching bystander skills:
STEP ONE: Teach the Difference Between Tattling and Reporting
Kids must realize that safety is always the primary goal. So stress: “If someone could get hurt, REPORT! Emphasize: “It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” Then teach the difference between “Tattling” and “Reporting.” Also identify specific trusted adults children can go to and report bullying incidents.
• TATTLING is when you trying to get kids IN trouble when they aren’t hurting themselves or other.
• REPORTING is when you’re trying to help keep kids OUT of trouble because they may get hurt (or they are). Report bullying to an adult you trust. If the adult doesn’t listen, keep reporting until you find one who does.
STEP TWO: Teach What Bullying Looks and Sounds Like
Next, teach what bullying behaviors look like so children will know when they should step in (and not when the behavior is mere teasing). Explain: “Bullying is a cruel or aggressive act that is done on purpose. The bully has more power (strength, status, or size) than the target, who cannot hold his own. The hurtful bullying behavior is not an accident, but done on purpose. The bully usually seems to enjoy seeing the victim in distress and rarely accepts responsibility and often says the target “deserved” the hurtful treatment.” Then teach (depending on the child’s age) that bullying can be…
1. Physical: Punching, hitting, slamming, socking, spitting, slapping,
2. Verbal: Saying put downs, nasty statements, name calling, taunting, racial slurs, or hurtful comments, threatening
3. Emotional: Shunning, excluding, spreading rumors or mean gossip, ruining your reputation
4. Electronic or cyber-bullying: Using the Internet, cell phone, camera, text messaging, photos to say mean or embarrassing things
5. Sexual: Saying or doing things that are lewd or disrespectful in a sexual way
STEP THREE: Teach the Six Borba Bully BUSTER Bystander Skills
I teach the acronym BUSTER to help kids remember the skills. Each letter in the word represents one of the six bystander skills. Not all strategies work for all kids. The trick is to match the techniques with what works best with the child’s temperament and comfort level and the particular situation.
B-Befriend the Victim: Bystanders often don’t intervene because they don’t want to make things worse or assume the victim doesn’t want help. If witnesses know a victim feels upset or wants help they are more likely to step in. And if you befriend a victim, you’re also more likely to get others to join your cause. Show comfort: Stand closer to the victim. Wave other pees over: “Come help!” Ask if the victim wants support: “Do you need help?” Empathize: “I bet he feels sad.” Clarify feelings: “He looks upset.”
U-Use a Distraction: The right diversion can draw peers from the scene, make them focus elsewhere, give the target a chance to get away, and may get the bully to move on. Remember, a bully wants an audience, so reduce it with a distraction. Ploys include: A question: “What are you all doing here?” A diversion: “There’s a great volleyball game going on! Come on!” A false excuse: “A teacher is coming!” An interruption: “I can’t find my bus.”
S-Speak Out and Stand Up!: Speaking out can get others to lend a hand and join you. You must stay cool, and never boo, clap, laugh, or insult, which could egg the bully on even more. Stress that directly confronting a bully is intimidating and it’s a rare kid who can, but there are ways to still stand up to cruelty. Show disapproval: Give a cold, silent stare. Name it: “That’s bullying!” Label it: “That’s mean!” State disapproval: “This isn’t cool!” Ask for support: “Are you with me?”
T-Tell or Text For Help: Teach “Reporting (Trying to stop someone from being hurt) vs. Tattling (Trying to get someone in trouble).” Stress: “If someone is in harms way, report and get help.” Call from a cell, send a text, find an adult, or call 911. Bystanders often don’t report for fear of retaliation, so make sure they know which adults will support them, ensure their confidentiality and give the option of anonymous reporting. Find an adult you trust. If you have problems, keep going until you find someone who believes you.
E-Exit Alone or With Others: Bullies love audiences. Bystanders can drain a bully’s power by reducing the group size a few ways. Encouraging: “You coming? Asking: “What are you all doing here? Directing: “Let’s go!” Suggesting: “Let’s leave.” Exiting: If you can’t get others to leave with you, then walk away. If you stay, you’re part of the cruelty. Leaving means you refuse to be part.
R-Give a Reason or Remedy: Bystanders are more likely to help when told why the action is wrong or what to do. Review why it’s wrong: “This isn’t right!” “This is mean!” “You’ll get suspended.” “You’ll hurt him.” Offer a remedy: “Go get help!” “Let’s work this out with Coach.” The right comments can make peers stop, think, consider the consequences, and even move on.
Written by Dr. Michele Borba
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
P7Q8R546JFHD
Bullying is a learned behavior, and it is on the rise. One third of middle and high school students were bullied during the school year. Previous studies estimated the figure as one in seven students. Bullying appears to be far more intense, more frequent and beginning at younger ages than in years past.
Make no mistake: Bullying is a cruel, intentional act that is usually repeated, and can have serious impact on children. And every bullying episode really has three victims: the bullied (or target), the bully, and the bystander.
* The bullied or target: Repeated bullying can cause severe emotional harm, and can be so serious that some school-age victims have committed suicide.
* The bully: Nearly 60 percent of students identified as chronic bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of twenty-four.
* The bystander: New research suggests that students who witness their peers endure verbal or physical abuse could become as psychologically distressed, if not more so, by the events as the victims themselves.
And the consequences of bullying seem to finally be recognized. States are passing anti-bullying laws; schools are implementing zero-bullying policies; pediatricians are posting warning signs, and parents are increasing worried about their children’s safety. But in all our endeavors to stop peer cruelty, we are largely overlooking the most effective bully-reducing solution: mobilizing student bystanders to speak up. The fact it, students witness 85 percent of bullying episodes and usually during times when adults aren’t around to help.
Last week I reported to Brian Williams on NBC Nightly News that studies show that bystanders can do far more than just watch.Peers can reduce the audience that a bully craves, mobilize the compassion of witnesses to step in, support the victim, and be a positive influence in curbing a bullying episode. In fact, when bystanders intervene correctly, studies find they can cut bullying more than half the time and within 10 seconds. The key is that students must have the right guidance so they know when to step in, be taught how skills that offer the right kind of help, and know when to get aid.
This month I worked with NBC’s Dateline’s correspondent, Kate Snow on a special entitled, “The Perils of Parenting” (which aired Monday, September 13). Producers asked me to teach middle school students–when bullying peaks–specific bystander strategies. I developed the techniques after reviewing hundreds of research articles on the “Bystander Effect” and have trained hundreds of educators in how to use them with students. The moment that one twelve-year old girl stepped in and spoke up to a boy to stop bullying another child was extraordinary. She was calm, compassionate, courageous and glorious. She also used every one of the six bystander skills — and used them better than most adults. There also wasn’t a dry eye on the set–we all wiped away tears. [More about the bystander effect and that episode in a future blog].
Mobilizing the compassion of bystanders with specific bystander skills is largely overlooked in bullying prevention, but it may well be our best hope in creating safe and caring school climates. The best news is that child advocates and parents can teach kids these same bystander skills. Doing so empowers children with tools to stop cruelty, help victims, feel safer and reduce bullying. Here are the skills I shared on Dateline.
Dr. Borba’s Bystander Bully B.U.S.T.E.R. Strategies
Chances are that your child will witness bullying. Here are six strategies to teach so kids know how to intervene safely and when to report. Each strategy must be rehearsed or role-played, until kids can use it alone. I’ve had schools have students role-play these in assemblies, make them into chart-reminders that are posted around the school, and even have students create mini-videos of each strategy to share with peers. There are three steps to teaching bystander skills:
STEP ONE: Teach the Difference Between Tattling and Reporting
Kids must realize that safety is always the primary goal. So stress: “If someone could get hurt, REPORT! Emphasize: “It’s always better to be safe than sorry.” Then teach the difference between “Tattling” and “Reporting.” Also identify specific trusted adults children can go to and report bullying incidents.
• TATTLING is when you trying to get kids IN trouble when they aren’t hurting themselves or other.
• REPORTING is when you’re trying to help keep kids OUT of trouble because they may get hurt (or they are). Report bullying to an adult you trust. If the adult doesn’t listen, keep reporting until you find one who does.
STEP TWO: Teach What Bullying Looks and Sounds Like
Next, teach what bullying behaviors look like so children will know when they should step in (and not when the behavior is mere teasing). Explain: “Bullying is a cruel or aggressive act that is done on purpose. The bully has more power (strength, status, or size) than the target, who cannot hold his own. The hurtful bullying behavior is not an accident, but done on purpose. The bully usually seems to enjoy seeing the victim in distress and rarely accepts responsibility and often says the target “deserved” the hurtful treatment.” Then teach (depending on the child’s age) that bullying can be…
1. Physical: Punching, hitting, slamming, socking, spitting, slapping,
2. Verbal: Saying put downs, nasty statements, name calling, taunting, racial slurs, or hurtful comments, threatening
3. Emotional: Shunning, excluding, spreading rumors or mean gossip, ruining your reputation
4. Electronic or cyber-bullying: Using the Internet, cell phone, camera, text messaging, photos to say mean or embarrassing things
5. Sexual: Saying or doing things that are lewd or disrespectful in a sexual way
STEP THREE: Teach the Six Borba Bully BUSTER Bystander Skills
I teach the acronym BUSTER to help kids remember the skills. Each letter in the word represents one of the six bystander skills. Not all strategies work for all kids. The trick is to match the techniques with what works best with the child’s temperament and comfort level and the particular situation.
B-Befriend the Victim: Bystanders often don’t intervene because they don’t want to make things worse or assume the victim doesn’t want help. If witnesses know a victim feels upset or wants help they are more likely to step in. And if you befriend a victim, you’re also more likely to get others to join your cause. Show comfort: Stand closer to the victim. Wave other pees over: “Come help!” Ask if the victim wants support: “Do you need help?” Empathize: “I bet he feels sad.” Clarify feelings: “He looks upset.”
U-Use a Distraction: The right diversion can draw peers from the scene, make them focus elsewhere, give the target a chance to get away, and may get the bully to move on. Remember, a bully wants an audience, so reduce it with a distraction. Ploys include: A question: “What are you all doing here?” A diversion: “There’s a great volleyball game going on! Come on!” A false excuse: “A teacher is coming!” An interruption: “I can’t find my bus.”
S-Speak Out and Stand Up!: Speaking out can get others to lend a hand and join you. You must stay cool, and never boo, clap, laugh, or insult, which could egg the bully on even more. Stress that directly confronting a bully is intimidating and it’s a rare kid who can, but there are ways to still stand up to cruelty. Show disapproval: Give a cold, silent stare. Name it: “That’s bullying!” Label it: “That’s mean!” State disapproval: “This isn’t cool!” Ask for support: “Are you with me?”
T-Tell or Text For Help: Teach “Reporting (Trying to stop someone from being hurt) vs. Tattling (Trying to get someone in trouble).” Stress: “If someone is in harms way, report and get help.” Call from a cell, send a text, find an adult, or call 911. Bystanders often don’t report for fear of retaliation, so make sure they know which adults will support them, ensure their confidentiality and give the option of anonymous reporting. Find an adult you trust. If you have problems, keep going until you find someone who believes you.
E-Exit Alone or With Others: Bullies love audiences. Bystanders can drain a bully’s power by reducing the group size a few ways. Encouraging: “You coming? Asking: “What are you all doing here? Directing: “Let’s go!” Suggesting: “Let’s leave.” Exiting: If you can’t get others to leave with you, then walk away. If you stay, you’re part of the cruelty. Leaving means you refuse to be part.
R-Give a Reason or Remedy: Bystanders are more likely to help when told why the action is wrong or what to do. Review why it’s wrong: “This isn’t right!” “This is mean!” “You’ll get suspended.” “You’ll hurt him.” Offer a remedy: “Go get help!” “Let’s work this out with Coach.” The right comments can make peers stop, think, consider the consequences, and even move on.
Written by Dr. Michele Borba
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
P7Q8R546JFHD
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Bully-Proofing Our Kids
This past week I attended an educational conference where I had the pleasure of listening to nationally renowned speaker, Dr. Michele Borba. October is Bullying Awareness Month, therefore, I would like to draw attention to this crucial matter facing our nation's children.
Some of the toughest problems parents must deal with happen right on the school playground where teasing, bullying and mean-spirited kids abound. There seems to be an epidemic of mean-acting kids these days. In fact, the National Education Association estimates that 160,000 children skip school every day because they fear being attacked or intimidated by other students. While we can’t prevent the pain insults can cause, we can lessen our kids’ chances of becoming victims. I tell parents the best thing to do is teach our kids how to deal with their tormentors. Doing so will show them there are ways to resolve conflicts without losing face or resorting to violence and will boost their confidence. So the next time your child is upset from teasing, here are a few ideas I suggest you do:
1. Listen and gather facts.
The first step is often the hardest for parents: listen to your child’s whole story without interrupting. Your goal is to try to figure out what happened, who was involved, where and when the teasing took place, and why your child was teased. Unfortunately, teasing is a part of growing up, but some kids seem to get more than their fair share of insults. If your child appears to be in no immediate danger, keep listening to find out how she reacts to the bullying. By knowing what reaction didn’t stop the bully, you can offer your child a more effective option.
2. Teach a bully-proofing strategy.
What may work with one child may not with another, so it’s best to discuss a range of options and then choose the one or two your child feels most comfortable with. Here are six of the most successful strategies to help kids defend themselves:
* Assert yourself. Teach your child to face the bully by standing tall and using a strong voice. Your child should name the bullying behavior and tell the aggressor to stop: ?That’s teasing. Stop it.? or ?Stop making fun of me. It’s mean.?
* Question the response. Ann Bishop, who teaches violence prevention curriculums, tells her students to respond to an insult with a nondefensive question: “Why would you say that?” or “Why would you want to tell me I am dumb (or fat) and hurt my feelings?”
* Use “I want.” Communication experts suggest teaching your child to address the bully beginning with “I want” and say firmly what he wants changed: “I want you to leave me along.” or “I want you to stop teasing me.”
* Agree with the teaser. Consider helping your child create a statement agreeing with her teaser. Teaser: “You’re dumb.” Child: “Yeah, but I’m good at it.” or Teaser: “Hey, four eyes.” Child: “You’re right, my eyesight is poor.”
* Ignore it. Bullies love it when their teasing upsets their victims, so help your child find a way to not let his tormentor get to him. A group of fifth graders told me ways they ignore their teasers: ?Pretend they’re invisible,? ?Walk away without looking at them,? ?Quickly look at something else and laugh,? and ?Look completely uninterested.?
* Make Fun of the Teasing. Fred Frankel, author of Good Friends Are Hard to Find suggests victims answer every tease with a reply, but not tease back. The teasing often stops, Frankel says, because the child lets the tormentor know he’s not going to let the teasing get to him (even if it does). Suppose the teaser says, “You’re stupid.” The child says a rehearsed comeback such as: “Really?” Other comebacks could be: “So?,” “You don’t say,” “And your point is?,” or “Thanks for telling me.”
3. Rehearse the strategy with your child.
Once you choose a technique, rehearse it together so your child is comfortable trying it. The trick is for your child to deliver it assuredly to the bully--and that takes practice. Explain that though he has the right to feel angry, it’s not okay to let it get out of control. Besides, anger just fuels the bully. Try teaching your child the CALM approach to defueling the tormentor.
* C - Cool down. When you confront the bully, stay calm and always in control. Don’t let him think he’s getting to you. If you need to calm down, count to twenty slowly inside your head or say to yourself, “Chill out!” And most importantly: tell your child to always get help whenever there is a chance she might be injured.
* A - Assert yourself. Try the strategy with the bully just like you practiced.
* L - Look at the teaser straight in the eye. Appear confident, hold your head high and stand tall.
* M - Mean it! Use a firm, strong voice. Say what you feel, but don’t be insulting, threaten or tease back.
Final Thoughts
Like it or not, most kids are bound to encounter children who are deliberately mean. By teaching kids effective ways to respond to verbal abuse, we can reduce their chances of being victims as well as helping them learn how to cope more successfully with future adversities. Of course, no child should ever have to deal with ongoing teasing, meanness and harassment. It’s up to adults and kids alike to take an active stand against bullying and stress that cruelty is always unacceptable.
Written by Dr. Michele Borba
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
Some of the toughest problems parents must deal with happen right on the school playground where teasing, bullying and mean-spirited kids abound. There seems to be an epidemic of mean-acting kids these days. In fact, the National Education Association estimates that 160,000 children skip school every day because they fear being attacked or intimidated by other students. While we can’t prevent the pain insults can cause, we can lessen our kids’ chances of becoming victims. I tell parents the best thing to do is teach our kids how to deal with their tormentors. Doing so will show them there are ways to resolve conflicts without losing face or resorting to violence and will boost their confidence. So the next time your child is upset from teasing, here are a few ideas I suggest you do:
1. Listen and gather facts.
The first step is often the hardest for parents: listen to your child’s whole story without interrupting. Your goal is to try to figure out what happened, who was involved, where and when the teasing took place, and why your child was teased. Unfortunately, teasing is a part of growing up, but some kids seem to get more than their fair share of insults. If your child appears to be in no immediate danger, keep listening to find out how she reacts to the bullying. By knowing what reaction didn’t stop the bully, you can offer your child a more effective option.
2. Teach a bully-proofing strategy.
What may work with one child may not with another, so it’s best to discuss a range of options and then choose the one or two your child feels most comfortable with. Here are six of the most successful strategies to help kids defend themselves:
* Assert yourself. Teach your child to face the bully by standing tall and using a strong voice. Your child should name the bullying behavior and tell the aggressor to stop: ?That’s teasing. Stop it.? or ?Stop making fun of me. It’s mean.?
* Question the response. Ann Bishop, who teaches violence prevention curriculums, tells her students to respond to an insult with a nondefensive question: “Why would you say that?” or “Why would you want to tell me I am dumb (or fat) and hurt my feelings?”
* Use “I want.” Communication experts suggest teaching your child to address the bully beginning with “I want” and say firmly what he wants changed: “I want you to leave me along.” or “I want you to stop teasing me.”
* Agree with the teaser. Consider helping your child create a statement agreeing with her teaser. Teaser: “You’re dumb.” Child: “Yeah, but I’m good at it.” or Teaser: “Hey, four eyes.” Child: “You’re right, my eyesight is poor.”
* Ignore it. Bullies love it when their teasing upsets their victims, so help your child find a way to not let his tormentor get to him. A group of fifth graders told me ways they ignore their teasers: ?Pretend they’re invisible,? ?Walk away without looking at them,? ?Quickly look at something else and laugh,? and ?Look completely uninterested.?
* Make Fun of the Teasing. Fred Frankel, author of Good Friends Are Hard to Find suggests victims answer every tease with a reply, but not tease back. The teasing often stops, Frankel says, because the child lets the tormentor know he’s not going to let the teasing get to him (even if it does). Suppose the teaser says, “You’re stupid.” The child says a rehearsed comeback such as: “Really?” Other comebacks could be: “So?,” “You don’t say,” “And your point is?,” or “Thanks for telling me.”
3. Rehearse the strategy with your child.
Once you choose a technique, rehearse it together so your child is comfortable trying it. The trick is for your child to deliver it assuredly to the bully--and that takes practice. Explain that though he has the right to feel angry, it’s not okay to let it get out of control. Besides, anger just fuels the bully. Try teaching your child the CALM approach to defueling the tormentor.
* C - Cool down. When you confront the bully, stay calm and always in control. Don’t let him think he’s getting to you. If you need to calm down, count to twenty slowly inside your head or say to yourself, “Chill out!” And most importantly: tell your child to always get help whenever there is a chance she might be injured.
* A - Assert yourself. Try the strategy with the bully just like you practiced.
* L - Look at the teaser straight in the eye. Appear confident, hold your head high and stand tall.
* M - Mean it! Use a firm, strong voice. Say what you feel, but don’t be insulting, threaten or tease back.
Final Thoughts
Like it or not, most kids are bound to encounter children who are deliberately mean. By teaching kids effective ways to respond to verbal abuse, we can reduce their chances of being victims as well as helping them learn how to cope more successfully with future adversities. Of course, no child should ever have to deal with ongoing teasing, meanness and harassment. It’s up to adults and kids alike to take an active stand against bullying and stress that cruelty is always unacceptable.
Written by Dr. Michele Borba
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tips for Choosing Extracurricular Activities in High School
Are you a contributor or just a joiner? What meaningful contributions have you made to the community? How well do you manage priorities and your time? Can you maintain a long-term commitment? What are your non-academic interests, and what diversity will you bring to your new school or company?
These are questions being asked by college admissions boards and prospective employers as they look over the applications and resumes they receive. Thoughtfully choosing the extracurricular activities you will participate in during your high school years will help you in answering these questions.
Extracurricular activities are a great way to spend free time. You can have a lot of fun with them. But extracurricular activities can be much more. They can help you pursue a hobby and find friends who share your interests. They can offer opportunities to participate in community service projects. They can be an avenue for exploring your future career options and developing networks. When deciding which of the many opportunities to grab, think about the following tips, and get yourself going in a direction that will be good for you now, and in the future.
1. Decide on at least one activity that you want to continue for the full four years of high school. This could be a community service organization, such as Habitat for Humanity. If no Habitat group is available at your high school, the local organization would be more than happy to help you start one. Building homes alongside other volunteers and the future occupants will provide a real sense of belonging and commitment to community. You will also learn construction skills that can be applied later either on the job or in maintaining your own place.
Other community service organizations to consider might be hospital volunteers, literacy tutors, or humane shelter volunteers. So many options are available, this is only a dabbling of the possibilities. The key to maintaining a long-term commitment is to be sure the organization you choose both meets your interests and provides a meaningful outlet for your energies.
2. Don’t overload. Being in a lot of different organizations will mean you can’t really focus on any one of them. You will not be able to maintain too many commitments over time. Choosing a couple of things to do, and spending enough time to make a significant contribution, will be much more satisfying. You will make friends more easily, and they won’t be upset because you have to back out. You can always add another activity if you find you have extra time.
3. Choose at least one activity that will help you stay physically active. Regular exercise is important both for maintaining good health and for controlling weight. Finding a sport that you enjoy can help you stay fit. Finding one that you will continue after high school is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
4. Be true to yourself. If you are very shy, the drama club may be a great place for you. Most actors are actually quite shy. They come alive on a stage or in front of a camera. Their introspective personalities allow them to delve under the skin of the people the portray, and understand what is going on there. It may seem counter-intuitive, but shy people often belong in the spotlight.
5. Figure out what organizations best suit your interests and personality, and you have a winner. You will be able to stick with it. You’ll be able to contribute in a meaningful way. You’ll be able to shine.
Whatever you choose, relax and enjoy the experience. Your high school years will be gone before you know it. Make the most of them.
Written by Carol Smock
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
These are questions being asked by college admissions boards and prospective employers as they look over the applications and resumes they receive. Thoughtfully choosing the extracurricular activities you will participate in during your high school years will help you in answering these questions.
Extracurricular activities are a great way to spend free time. You can have a lot of fun with them. But extracurricular activities can be much more. They can help you pursue a hobby and find friends who share your interests. They can offer opportunities to participate in community service projects. They can be an avenue for exploring your future career options and developing networks. When deciding which of the many opportunities to grab, think about the following tips, and get yourself going in a direction that will be good for you now, and in the future.
1. Decide on at least one activity that you want to continue for the full four years of high school. This could be a community service organization, such as Habitat for Humanity. If no Habitat group is available at your high school, the local organization would be more than happy to help you start one. Building homes alongside other volunteers and the future occupants will provide a real sense of belonging and commitment to community. You will also learn construction skills that can be applied later either on the job or in maintaining your own place.
Other community service organizations to consider might be hospital volunteers, literacy tutors, or humane shelter volunteers. So many options are available, this is only a dabbling of the possibilities. The key to maintaining a long-term commitment is to be sure the organization you choose both meets your interests and provides a meaningful outlet for your energies.
2. Don’t overload. Being in a lot of different organizations will mean you can’t really focus on any one of them. You will not be able to maintain too many commitments over time. Choosing a couple of things to do, and spending enough time to make a significant contribution, will be much more satisfying. You will make friends more easily, and they won’t be upset because you have to back out. You can always add another activity if you find you have extra time.
3. Choose at least one activity that will help you stay physically active. Regular exercise is important both for maintaining good health and for controlling weight. Finding a sport that you enjoy can help you stay fit. Finding one that you will continue after high school is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
4. Be true to yourself. If you are very shy, the drama club may be a great place for you. Most actors are actually quite shy. They come alive on a stage or in front of a camera. Their introspective personalities allow them to delve under the skin of the people the portray, and understand what is going on there. It may seem counter-intuitive, but shy people often belong in the spotlight.
5. Figure out what organizations best suit your interests and personality, and you have a winner. You will be able to stick with it. You’ll be able to contribute in a meaningful way. You’ll be able to shine.
Whatever you choose, relax and enjoy the experience. Your high school years will be gone before you know it. Make the most of them.
Written by Carol Smock
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
10 Costly Mistakes in College Admission
It’s panic time for more than a million high school seniors and their parents. It really shouldn’t be, but it is: competition for admission to the nation’s “top” colleges has never been tougher. A huge cohort of kids combined with more qualified, full-tuition-paying foreign students – all of them applying to more colleges – makes the odds of getting in simply awful.
To complicate matters, too many kids – spurred on by ill-informed parents and over-worked guidance counselors — unwittingly make the situation worse. Here are 10 mistakes that can be easily avoided.
Mistake 1: Keep that college search narrowly focused. – College admission is really a buyers market – once you get beyond the “top” 50 or so schools. That means that really good “name” schools typically accept more kids than they reject. But it also means that kids and parents have to look beyond the most famous brand names you’re probably familiar with. But with more than 3,000 college and universities in the US and Canada, there are more than few that will be a good fit for a student.
One of the most common mistakes kids make is the size of the colleges they consider. The vast majority of high school seniors limit their initial search to either large universities or small colleges. The reasons for this self-imposed limitation are understandable – and yet wrong. A high school student’s frame of reference is pretty limited, and their perceptions of what big-vs-small colleges offer is usually at least half-wrong. (Large universities almost always offer small seminars and small liberal arts colleges typically require students to take a few large lecture classes.)
The single most important mistake a student can avoid is not visiting enough colleges – large and small.
Mistake 2: “Top” college lists matter. But for mostly the wrong reasons. Just this week I picked up three different magazines that had published their “top” college lists. I’ll probably buy three more next week. And I will marvel at how subjective, skewed, and misleading the lists are. But that’s not to say that they aren’t important. Because they are in one very significant way: they reinforce a college’s “brand” value. No one should pretend that a “name” college doesn’t help open doors in the job (or social) market. It does. Name recognition counts. But it should only be one of several factors used when choosing a college. And by no means should a family discard a possible college because it “ranks” a dozen places below a competitor.
Mistake 3: Colleges are looking for the well-rounded kid. They are looking for the well-rounded class. Kids – egged on by their parents – think that they need a laundry list of extracurricular activities, sports, and a summer experience volunteering as a latrine-builder in Belize in order to get into a top college. Absolutely not true. Colleges put together their entering class as a mosaic: a few great scholars for each academic department; a handful of athletes; some musicians, dancers, and theater stars; a few for racial and economic diversity; some potential club leaders, etc. Colleges want a kid who is devoted to – and excels at – something.
Mistake 4: The essay better be perfect – and seriously substantive. It might be all those things; or not. What it must be is the kid’s own. Admission officers, who typically read more than 50 sets of essays a night — can see through those written with “just a little polishing” by parents or counselors in a heartbeat. The essay should answer the question asked, and provide insight into what makes the applicant tick. Whenever possible, kids should stay away from the “3-D’s”: death. disease, and divorce. While grandma’s death may have been important to the applicant, it too often comes across as an (unsuccessful) attempt at sounding profound. Similarly, the essay that focuses on the applicant’s trip to Belize where he helped build that latrine may seem unique to the student. But to the admission officer who has read thousands of such essays, the only thing the AO is wondering is why there isn’t a latrine stretching from the Atlantic to the Pacific. (I suggested to my younger son that he write about what he really did on his “service” trip: he helped the local Rastafarian farmer harvest his marijuana crop. My son had the good sense to ignore me.)
Mistake 5: Get those VIP recommendations in early. There is a well-established saying in the admission world: the thicker the folder, the thicker the kid. Do not ask VIP’s – Congressmen, corporate CEO’s, members of the college’s board of trustees – to write recommendations for your kid. Unless your child has actually worked for that person in a real and substantive context. Colleges want teacher recommendations. – teachers who can provide insight into the student’s interests, strengths and growth.
Mistake 6: Ignore the interview; it doesn’t really count. Although most colleges don’t require personal interviews – too many kids applying; and too many who live too far away – if they are offered, take advantage of them. And yes they count – sometimes a lot. (And that includes alumni interviews.) Which means kids should be prepared to speak articulately about themselves and knowledgably about the college they are visiting.
Mistake 7: Nobody is going to check my Facebook page. Don’t count on it. More and more colleges are setting up Facebook pages and want to friend potential applicants. So students should show some discretion about what they post.
Admission officers also take note of little things, like a student’s e-mail address. I’ve heard more than a few stories of admission officers deciding to reject a candidate “on the bubble” because of an e-mail address such as “hotchickatthemall @hotmail”.
Some online services – such as Zinch.com which I have a relationship with – can provide a “safe” and mutually productive technology link between students and colleges.
Mistake 8: Colleges are flexible about deadlines. Ha! No way! Be forewarned: do not miss a deadline.
Mistake 9: We can’t afford Big Name College. There is a lot of money available for college. Some of it is scholarship money; most of it is loan money. And while parents and kids may have an understandable aversion to taking on debt, access to money is almost never a barrier to attending a college.
Applying for financial aid can affect one’s chances of admission – if the college is not “need blind” in its admission policy. But virtually every college is candid about its linkage of admissions and financial aid, and posts its policy on the college website.
Mistake 10: Focus on finding money. The money is out there, and parents simply have to apply for it. But “simply” is a misnomer. The process is run – in parallel — by the federal government and the individual colleges. And you have to deal with both. Applying for financial aid – starting with the government’s FAFSA form and often including the College Board’s “Profile” form – the process is much like root canal without anesthesia. But if you want any sort of scholarship or low-interest loan, you have to deal with it.
Never, ever pay for a scholarship matching service! The vast majority of “weird” scholarships – along with government scholarships and low-interest loans – are administered through the college’s financial aid office. Simply apply for financial aid through the college and the school will figure out what you are eligible for.
The college admission process is rarely fun. But it can be tolerable and less stressful if you avoid these classic mistakes.
Written by Steve Cohen for Forbes.com on September 14, 2010
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
To complicate matters, too many kids – spurred on by ill-informed parents and over-worked guidance counselors — unwittingly make the situation worse. Here are 10 mistakes that can be easily avoided.
Mistake 1: Keep that college search narrowly focused. – College admission is really a buyers market – once you get beyond the “top” 50 or so schools. That means that really good “name” schools typically accept more kids than they reject. But it also means that kids and parents have to look beyond the most famous brand names you’re probably familiar with. But with more than 3,000 college and universities in the US and Canada, there are more than few that will be a good fit for a student.
One of the most common mistakes kids make is the size of the colleges they consider. The vast majority of high school seniors limit their initial search to either large universities or small colleges. The reasons for this self-imposed limitation are understandable – and yet wrong. A high school student’s frame of reference is pretty limited, and their perceptions of what big-vs-small colleges offer is usually at least half-wrong. (Large universities almost always offer small seminars and small liberal arts colleges typically require students to take a few large lecture classes.)
The single most important mistake a student can avoid is not visiting enough colleges – large and small.
Mistake 2: “Top” college lists matter. But for mostly the wrong reasons. Just this week I picked up three different magazines that had published their “top” college lists. I’ll probably buy three more next week. And I will marvel at how subjective, skewed, and misleading the lists are. But that’s not to say that they aren’t important. Because they are in one very significant way: they reinforce a college’s “brand” value. No one should pretend that a “name” college doesn’t help open doors in the job (or social) market. It does. Name recognition counts. But it should only be one of several factors used when choosing a college. And by no means should a family discard a possible college because it “ranks” a dozen places below a competitor.
Mistake 3: Colleges are looking for the well-rounded kid. They are looking for the well-rounded class. Kids – egged on by their parents – think that they need a laundry list of extracurricular activities, sports, and a summer experience volunteering as a latrine-builder in Belize in order to get into a top college. Absolutely not true. Colleges put together their entering class as a mosaic: a few great scholars for each academic department; a handful of athletes; some musicians, dancers, and theater stars; a few for racial and economic diversity; some potential club leaders, etc. Colleges want a kid who is devoted to – and excels at – something.
Mistake 4: The essay better be perfect – and seriously substantive. It might be all those things; or not. What it must be is the kid’s own. Admission officers, who typically read more than 50 sets of essays a night — can see through those written with “just a little polishing” by parents or counselors in a heartbeat. The essay should answer the question asked, and provide insight into what makes the applicant tick. Whenever possible, kids should stay away from the “3-D’s”: death. disease, and divorce. While grandma’s death may have been important to the applicant, it too often comes across as an (unsuccessful) attempt at sounding profound. Similarly, the essay that focuses on the applicant’s trip to Belize where he helped build that latrine may seem unique to the student. But to the admission officer who has read thousands of such essays, the only thing the AO is wondering is why there isn’t a latrine stretching from the Atlantic to the Pacific. (I suggested to my younger son that he write about what he really did on his “service” trip: he helped the local Rastafarian farmer harvest his marijuana crop. My son had the good sense to ignore me.)
Mistake 5: Get those VIP recommendations in early. There is a well-established saying in the admission world: the thicker the folder, the thicker the kid. Do not ask VIP’s – Congressmen, corporate CEO’s, members of the college’s board of trustees – to write recommendations for your kid. Unless your child has actually worked for that person in a real and substantive context. Colleges want teacher recommendations. – teachers who can provide insight into the student’s interests, strengths and growth.
Mistake 6: Ignore the interview; it doesn’t really count. Although most colleges don’t require personal interviews – too many kids applying; and too many who live too far away – if they are offered, take advantage of them. And yes they count – sometimes a lot. (And that includes alumni interviews.) Which means kids should be prepared to speak articulately about themselves and knowledgably about the college they are visiting.
Mistake 7: Nobody is going to check my Facebook page. Don’t count on it. More and more colleges are setting up Facebook pages and want to friend potential applicants. So students should show some discretion about what they post.
Admission officers also take note of little things, like a student’s e-mail address. I’ve heard more than a few stories of admission officers deciding to reject a candidate “on the bubble” because of an e-mail address such as “hotchickatthemall @hotmail”.
Some online services – such as Zinch.com which I have a relationship with – can provide a “safe” and mutually productive technology link between students and colleges.
Mistake 8: Colleges are flexible about deadlines. Ha! No way! Be forewarned: do not miss a deadline.
Mistake 9: We can’t afford Big Name College. There is a lot of money available for college. Some of it is scholarship money; most of it is loan money. And while parents and kids may have an understandable aversion to taking on debt, access to money is almost never a barrier to attending a college.
Applying for financial aid can affect one’s chances of admission – if the college is not “need blind” in its admission policy. But virtually every college is candid about its linkage of admissions and financial aid, and posts its policy on the college website.
Mistake 10: Focus on finding money. The money is out there, and parents simply have to apply for it. But “simply” is a misnomer. The process is run – in parallel — by the federal government and the individual colleges. And you have to deal with both. Applying for financial aid – starting with the government’s FAFSA form and often including the College Board’s “Profile” form – the process is much like root canal without anesthesia. But if you want any sort of scholarship or low-interest loan, you have to deal with it.
Never, ever pay for a scholarship matching service! The vast majority of “weird” scholarships – along with government scholarships and low-interest loans – are administered through the college’s financial aid office. Simply apply for financial aid through the college and the school will figure out what you are eligible for.
The college admission process is rarely fun. But it can be tolerable and less stressful if you avoid these classic mistakes.
Written by Steve Cohen for Forbes.com on September 14, 2010
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
Thursday, September 2, 2010
KEEPING PARENTS' 'HELICOPTERS' GROUNDED DURING COLLEGE
Many schools are holding orientations for anxious mothers and fathers of freshmen, attempting to teach them a lesson not contained in any traditional curriculum: Let go.
The UCLA meeting hall was standing room only as campus psychologist Susan Bakota delivered a message to about 150 parents gathered at an orientation session designed just for them.
"Take a moment to inhale and release your concerns and anxieties and release your student to this wonderful adventure," she told the audience, whose children are about to enroll as UCLA freshman. "And I suggest you too enjoy the ride."
That may be easier said than done for many parents who are dropping their children off for the first time at a big university in a huge city. But at this time of year, more and more colleges across the country are attempting to teach anxious mothers and fathers a lesson not contained in any traditional curriculum: Let go.
Facing a generation of text-messaging parents who are often intensely involved in their offspring's lives and academic careers, many schools are launching or expanding orientation events to inform parents about all sorts of details of university life. There are parents-only workshops on health insurance, dorm life, financial aid, academics, alcohol abuse and policing.
More important, campus officials say, is explicit advice aimed at easing the pain of separation for the older generation and discouraging intrusive habits that have earned some the title of "helicopter parents" for their habit of hovering.
Even in the age of cellphones and Skype, families of new college students have to learn that "life is going to change for both the students and parents," USC's orientation director, Thomas Studdert, said at a recent parent meeting at the Los Angeles campus. "It's no longer being a parent of a child, it's being parent of an adult."
Last year, 97% of U.S. and Canadian colleges and universities surveyed had held orientations for parents of incoming students, according to the University of Minnesota's National Survey of College and University Parent Programs, a study of 500 schools. That's up from 61% in 2003, the study showed.
Many schools are starting parent volunteer organizations and hiring staff to serve as full-time parent liaisons, sometimes to handle complaints, sometimes with an eye to fundraising.
Because of frequent text messages and e-mails home, parents today know significantly more about their college-age children's lives and problems than parents knew a generation ago. So, orientation officials say, they try to give parents information to help them refer their children to the right campus resources. The parents then are encouraged to let students do the rest legwork themselves.
That increased communication between students and parents — and parents and colleges — "is not either good or bad. It's just the way life is," said Marjorie Savage, parent program director at the University of Minnesota's Twin Cities campus.
Savage, the author of a guidebook called "You're on Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years," said few parents become a serious problem for schools. Parental intrusions tend to decline after freshman year, she said.
Craig Mack, president of the National Orientation Directors Assn., said another reason for colleges to pay attention to parental anxiety is the growing price of college tuition. "A lot of parents are paying big tabs, and they want to have a more active involvement in where their money is going," he said.
The colleges also have a long-term financial interest in keeping them happy, Mack said. "If the student had a great experience and is gainfully employed after graduation, the parents are more likely to contribute to the school even if they are not alumni," he said.
Success is not universal. Educators tell of parents who refuse to leave campus at the appropriate time, even if orientation schedules now often include a specific time to say goodbye. Some impersonate their children in telephone calls seeking information from campus offices. And some can't stop protesting the federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, which keeps grades confidential unless students allow parental access.
Colleges keep trying. For example, some parents are surprised to learn during orientation at Washington University in St. Louis that they cannot participate in academic advising sessions at which students choose classes, said Danielle Bristow, director of first-year programs.
If the parents feel excluded, she explained, "we have to say, 'we are sorry but this is not for you.' "
At UCLA, parents recently attended workshops on financial aid, health insurance and "What about MY Transition into College?" Staff members urged parents to shift their attention to children still at home, refocus on personal interests and even rediscover their own romantic lives.
"This is as big a transition for you as it is for them," said Jacquelean Gilliam, UCLA's director of parent programs.
The message reassured Ron Eastwood of the town of Spreckels in Northern California, whose only child, Sara, will start at UCLA next month.
"When we were growing up, the world seemed to be a very different place," Eastwood said. "People didn't seem so worried about personal dangers. But our generation has been very protective of our kids as they grew up in the world. And what I think this is helping us to do now is to keep our helicopters on the ground more often."
Elizabeth Warren of Fremont said she appreciated advice about what one speaker described as "the difference between mothering and smothering, between fathering and bothering."
"I don't want to smother," Warren said of her relationship with her son Jonathan, a UCLA freshman. "Yet you are a mom and you want to keep in touch. So this whole process puts it all in perspective and relieves a lot of the anxiety we feel as parents."
At USC, the last of several recent orientation sessions was geared mainly toward parents of international students. The families peppered a panel of upperclassmen with questions about homesickness, safety, drunken parties, the wisdom of double majors and the drinkability of tap water in Los Angeles.
Pressed about campus cafeteria food, one young man reassured them: "I definitely miss my mom's cooking, but I've never starved."
Parents Terry and George Stockus of Victoria, Canada, said later that their concerns about crime were addressed in the session and said they also felt better prepared to part with their daughter, Sydney. "She's happy, so we're happy," Terry Stockus said.
Yet when the moment arrived, it was still hard to leave. "We were all very good up until the room was put together and Dad figured out the printer," Terry Stockus said. "When it was time to say goodbye, it was very emotional. But those were happy tears, excited tears."
larry.gordon@latimes.com
Copyright © 2010, Los Angeles Times
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP
The UCLA meeting hall was standing room only as campus psychologist Susan Bakota delivered a message to about 150 parents gathered at an orientation session designed just for them.
"Take a moment to inhale and release your concerns and anxieties and release your student to this wonderful adventure," she told the audience, whose children are about to enroll as UCLA freshman. "And I suggest you too enjoy the ride."
That may be easier said than done for many parents who are dropping their children off for the first time at a big university in a huge city. But at this time of year, more and more colleges across the country are attempting to teach anxious mothers and fathers a lesson not contained in any traditional curriculum: Let go.
Facing a generation of text-messaging parents who are often intensely involved in their offspring's lives and academic careers, many schools are launching or expanding orientation events to inform parents about all sorts of details of university life. There are parents-only workshops on health insurance, dorm life, financial aid, academics, alcohol abuse and policing.
More important, campus officials say, is explicit advice aimed at easing the pain of separation for the older generation and discouraging intrusive habits that have earned some the title of "helicopter parents" for their habit of hovering.
Even in the age of cellphones and Skype, families of new college students have to learn that "life is going to change for both the students and parents," USC's orientation director, Thomas Studdert, said at a recent parent meeting at the Los Angeles campus. "It's no longer being a parent of a child, it's being parent of an adult."
Last year, 97% of U.S. and Canadian colleges and universities surveyed had held orientations for parents of incoming students, according to the University of Minnesota's National Survey of College and University Parent Programs, a study of 500 schools. That's up from 61% in 2003, the study showed.
Many schools are starting parent volunteer organizations and hiring staff to serve as full-time parent liaisons, sometimes to handle complaints, sometimes with an eye to fundraising.
Because of frequent text messages and e-mails home, parents today know significantly more about their college-age children's lives and problems than parents knew a generation ago. So, orientation officials say, they try to give parents information to help them refer their children to the right campus resources. The parents then are encouraged to let students do the rest legwork themselves.
That increased communication between students and parents — and parents and colleges — "is not either good or bad. It's just the way life is," said Marjorie Savage, parent program director at the University of Minnesota's Twin Cities campus.
Savage, the author of a guidebook called "You're on Your Own (But I'm Here if You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years," said few parents become a serious problem for schools. Parental intrusions tend to decline after freshman year, she said.
Craig Mack, president of the National Orientation Directors Assn., said another reason for colleges to pay attention to parental anxiety is the growing price of college tuition. "A lot of parents are paying big tabs, and they want to have a more active involvement in where their money is going," he said.
The colleges also have a long-term financial interest in keeping them happy, Mack said. "If the student had a great experience and is gainfully employed after graduation, the parents are more likely to contribute to the school even if they are not alumni," he said.
Success is not universal. Educators tell of parents who refuse to leave campus at the appropriate time, even if orientation schedules now often include a specific time to say goodbye. Some impersonate their children in telephone calls seeking information from campus offices. And some can't stop protesting the federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, which keeps grades confidential unless students allow parental access.
Colleges keep trying. For example, some parents are surprised to learn during orientation at Washington University in St. Louis that they cannot participate in academic advising sessions at which students choose classes, said Danielle Bristow, director of first-year programs.
If the parents feel excluded, she explained, "we have to say, 'we are sorry but this is not for you.' "
At UCLA, parents recently attended workshops on financial aid, health insurance and "What about MY Transition into College?" Staff members urged parents to shift their attention to children still at home, refocus on personal interests and even rediscover their own romantic lives.
"This is as big a transition for you as it is for them," said Jacquelean Gilliam, UCLA's director of parent programs.
The message reassured Ron Eastwood of the town of Spreckels in Northern California, whose only child, Sara, will start at UCLA next month.
"When we were growing up, the world seemed to be a very different place," Eastwood said. "People didn't seem so worried about personal dangers. But our generation has been very protective of our kids as they grew up in the world. And what I think this is helping us to do now is to keep our helicopters on the ground more often."
Elizabeth Warren of Fremont said she appreciated advice about what one speaker described as "the difference between mothering and smothering, between fathering and bothering."
"I don't want to smother," Warren said of her relationship with her son Jonathan, a UCLA freshman. "Yet you are a mom and you want to keep in touch. So this whole process puts it all in perspective and relieves a lot of the anxiety we feel as parents."
At USC, the last of several recent orientation sessions was geared mainly toward parents of international students. The families peppered a panel of upperclassmen with questions about homesickness, safety, drunken parties, the wisdom of double majors and the drinkability of tap water in Los Angeles.
Pressed about campus cafeteria food, one young man reassured them: "I definitely miss my mom's cooking, but I've never starved."
Parents Terry and George Stockus of Victoria, Canada, said later that their concerns about crime were addressed in the session and said they also felt better prepared to part with their daughter, Sydney. "She's happy, so we're happy," Terry Stockus said.
Yet when the moment arrived, it was still hard to leave. "We were all very good up until the room was put together and Dad figured out the printer," Terry Stockus said. "When it was time to say goodbye, it was very emotional. But those were happy tears, excited tears."
larry.gordon@latimes.com
Copyright © 2010, Los Angeles Times
Posted by Lindy Kahn, M.A., CEP
Thursday, August 12, 2010
AMERICA'S BEST COLLEGES: The best public and private colleges and universities, from the student's point of view
The best college in America isn't in Cambridge or Princeton, West Point or Annapolis. It's nestled in the Berkshire Mountains. Williams College, a 217-year-old private liberal arts school, tops our third annual ranking of America's Best Colleges. Our list of more than 600 undergraduate institutions is based on the quality of the education they provide, the experiences of the students and how much they achieve.
Williams rose to the top spot on our rankings, which are compiled with research from the Center for College Affordability & Productivity, after placing fourth last year and fifth in 2008. It's a small school (just over 2,000 undergrads) with a 7-to-1 student-to-faculty ratio, affording students the chance to really get to know their teachers and have a unique college experience.
"One of the things that we really embrace is that we are tiny and very aware of where we are in the world. This fosters an incredible sense of community," says Amanda Esteves-Kraus, a double-major in art history and biology in the class of 2012. "It takes a very specific type of student to go to Williams, and there is a quirkiness here that you can't find anywhere else. This all makes the fact that we are in the middle of nowhere totally irrelevant because you don't actually want to be anywhere else."
While Williams' tuition is relatively high at $37,640 a year, the school tries very hard to help its students financially. This spring Williams replaced all its loans with grants. And the school has one of the lowest average student debt loads in the country: $9,296.
Some of Williams' prominent alumni include Steve Case, cofounder of America Online; Edgar Bronfman, CEO of Seagram; Elia Kazan, the Oscar-winning director of films including On The Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire; Jay McInerney, author of Bright Lights, Big City; and James A. Garfield, 20th president of the United States.
Last year's No. 1 school, the United States Military Academy (West Point), fell slightly to No. 4 on the list. The U.S. service academies, which offer high-quality education at zero tuition, all do well on our list: the United States Air Force Academy (No. 11), the United States Naval Academy (No. 29), United States Coast Guard Academy (No. 105), and the United States Merchant Marine Academy (No. 165).
Princeton University (No. 2), Amherst College (No. 3), and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (No. 5) round out the top five. Super-selective schools like Stanford (No. 6), Harvard (No. 8) and Yale (No. 10) also rank highly.
Whether they're in the top 10 or near the end of the list, all 610 schools in this ranking count among the best in the country: We review just 9% of the 6,600 accredited post-secondary institutions in the U.S., so appearing on our list at all is an indication that a school meets a high standard.
To our way of thinking, a good college is one that meets student needs. While other college rankings are based in large part on school reputation as evaluated by college administrators, we focus on factors that directly concern incoming students: Will my courses be interesting? Is it likely I will graduate in four years? Will I incur a ton of debt getting my degree? And once I get out of school, will I get a good job?
To answer these questions, the staff at CCAP gathers data from a variety of sources. They use 11 factors in compiling these rankings, each of which falls into one of five general categories. First, they measure how much graduates succeed in their chosen professions after they leave school, evaluating the average salaries of graduates reported by Payscale.com (30%), the number of alumni listed in a Forbes/CCAP list of corporate officers (5%), and enrollment-adjusted entries in Who's Who in America (10%).
Next they measure how satisfied students are with their college experience, examining freshman-to-sophomore retention rates (5%) and student evaluations of classes on the websites RateMyProfessors.com (17.5%) and MyPlan.com (5%). They look at how much debt students rack up over their college careers, considering the four-year debt load for a typical student borrower (12.5%), and the overall student loan default rate (5%). They evaluate how many students actually finish their degrees in four years, considering both the actual graduation rate (8.75%) and the gap between the average rate and a predicted rate, based on characteristics of the school (8.75%).
And finally, the last component is based on the number of students or faculty, adjusted for enrollment, who have won nationally competitive awards (7.5%), like Rhodes Scholarships or Nobel Prizes.
CCAP also compiles a best-value ranking comparing school quality to cost. This year it's dominated by the U.S. military's service academies. The top nonmilitary school? New York's Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art, which awards full-tuition scholarships to undergraduates (valued at $34,600 for the 2009-2010 school year). Public schools also fare well on this ranking, as they typically cost less.
Some readers may disagree with the way we construct our rankings or the weights we apply to the data. Or they may want to consider other variables, such as campus crime rates or SAT scores. So we also offer a do-it-yourself ranking that customizes the process, allowing users to construct their own list according to personal tastes and preferences.
You can only learn so much from ranking schools; it's important to match the individual student to the place. A student who thrives at Williams might do terribly at Florida State, and of course it's possible to get an Ivy League-quality education at a big state school. But with tuition and fees up significantly in the last decade, college has become one of the biggest financial decisions families make. They deserve all the information they can get.
America's Top 10 Colleges
1. Williams College
2. Princeton University
3. Amherst College
4. United States Military Academy
5. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
6. Stanford University
7. Swarthmore College
8. Harvard University
9. Claremont McKenna
10. Yale University
Written by David M. Ewalt for Forbes.com on August 11, 2010
Posted by Lindy Kahn, MA, CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
Williams rose to the top spot on our rankings, which are compiled with research from the Center for College Affordability & Productivity, after placing fourth last year and fifth in 2008. It's a small school (just over 2,000 undergrads) with a 7-to-1 student-to-faculty ratio, affording students the chance to really get to know their teachers and have a unique college experience.
"One of the things that we really embrace is that we are tiny and very aware of where we are in the world. This fosters an incredible sense of community," says Amanda Esteves-Kraus, a double-major in art history and biology in the class of 2012. "It takes a very specific type of student to go to Williams, and there is a quirkiness here that you can't find anywhere else. This all makes the fact that we are in the middle of nowhere totally irrelevant because you don't actually want to be anywhere else."
While Williams' tuition is relatively high at $37,640 a year, the school tries very hard to help its students financially. This spring Williams replaced all its loans with grants. And the school has one of the lowest average student debt loads in the country: $9,296.
Some of Williams' prominent alumni include Steve Case, cofounder of America Online; Edgar Bronfman, CEO of Seagram; Elia Kazan, the Oscar-winning director of films including On The Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire; Jay McInerney, author of Bright Lights, Big City; and James A. Garfield, 20th president of the United States.
Last year's No. 1 school, the United States Military Academy (West Point), fell slightly to No. 4 on the list. The U.S. service academies, which offer high-quality education at zero tuition, all do well on our list: the United States Air Force Academy (No. 11), the United States Naval Academy (No. 29), United States Coast Guard Academy (No. 105), and the United States Merchant Marine Academy (No. 165).
Princeton University (No. 2), Amherst College (No. 3), and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (No. 5) round out the top five. Super-selective schools like Stanford (No. 6), Harvard (No. 8) and Yale (No. 10) also rank highly.
Whether they're in the top 10 or near the end of the list, all 610 schools in this ranking count among the best in the country: We review just 9% of the 6,600 accredited post-secondary institutions in the U.S., so appearing on our list at all is an indication that a school meets a high standard.
To our way of thinking, a good college is one that meets student needs. While other college rankings are based in large part on school reputation as evaluated by college administrators, we focus on factors that directly concern incoming students: Will my courses be interesting? Is it likely I will graduate in four years? Will I incur a ton of debt getting my degree? And once I get out of school, will I get a good job?
To answer these questions, the staff at CCAP gathers data from a variety of sources. They use 11 factors in compiling these rankings, each of which falls into one of five general categories. First, they measure how much graduates succeed in their chosen professions after they leave school, evaluating the average salaries of graduates reported by Payscale.com (30%), the number of alumni listed in a Forbes/CCAP list of corporate officers (5%), and enrollment-adjusted entries in Who's Who in America (10%).
Next they measure how satisfied students are with their college experience, examining freshman-to-sophomore retention rates (5%) and student evaluations of classes on the websites RateMyProfessors.com (17.5%) and MyPlan.com (5%). They look at how much debt students rack up over their college careers, considering the four-year debt load for a typical student borrower (12.5%), and the overall student loan default rate (5%). They evaluate how many students actually finish their degrees in four years, considering both the actual graduation rate (8.75%) and the gap between the average rate and a predicted rate, based on characteristics of the school (8.75%).
And finally, the last component is based on the number of students or faculty, adjusted for enrollment, who have won nationally competitive awards (7.5%), like Rhodes Scholarships or Nobel Prizes.
CCAP also compiles a best-value ranking comparing school quality to cost. This year it's dominated by the U.S. military's service academies. The top nonmilitary school? New York's Cooper Union for the Advancement of Science and Art, which awards full-tuition scholarships to undergraduates (valued at $34,600 for the 2009-2010 school year). Public schools also fare well on this ranking, as they typically cost less.
Some readers may disagree with the way we construct our rankings or the weights we apply to the data. Or they may want to consider other variables, such as campus crime rates or SAT scores. So we also offer a do-it-yourself ranking that customizes the process, allowing users to construct their own list according to personal tastes and preferences.
You can only learn so much from ranking schools; it's important to match the individual student to the place. A student who thrives at Williams might do terribly at Florida State, and of course it's possible to get an Ivy League-quality education at a big state school. But with tuition and fees up significantly in the last decade, college has become one of the biggest financial decisions families make. They deserve all the information they can get.
America's Top 10 Colleges
1. Williams College
2. Princeton University
3. Amherst College
4. United States Military Academy
5. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
6. Stanford University
7. Swarthmore College
8. Harvard University
9. Claremont McKenna
10. Yale University
Written by David M. Ewalt for Forbes.com on August 11, 2010
Posted by Lindy Kahn, MA, CEP for Kahn Educational Group, LLC
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